Gregory Coles

“I want to be as disinterested as Paul seems to be in the politics of reputation, the politics of heroism and villainy. I want to be, like Paul, so deeply compelled by the beauty of the gospel that I celebrate whenever and however people enter into that grand Kingdom story. I want to be so convinced of the all-consuming heroism of Jesus that it doesn’t much matter who gets cast as the villain.”

"Marriage offers lots of beautiful largeness and lots of opportunity for maturity–but so does singleness! And it’s the beautiful largeness and potential maturity of singleness, even more than marriage, that Jesus has most directly in mind in Matthew 19:10-12."

Checking another item off the bucket list: Getting interviewed for a CNN article! I was honored to chat with Scottie Andrew about the unusual and fascinating history of the word "queer."

A live recording from a Minneapolis event I did in conjunction with the Communion & Shalom Podcast. How spicy are these hot takes? You decide!

I so enjoyed this interview with Connor Salter of Fellowship & Fairydust about writing and storytelling! (Let readers who haven't yet read The Limits of My World beware, there are a few minor spoilers in the introduction to our conversation.)

The video of my talk from this year's Exiles in Babylon conference, cheekily entitled "Does This T-Shirt Make Me Look Evil?", is freely available! I had rather a lot of fun giving it, and I hope you experience similar joy watching it.

Apparently, I make some pretty wild faces during interviews. Such fun to chat with Preston Sprinkle on the Theology in the Raw podcast about my newly released novel, the relationship between language and reality, and the power of fiction for truthtelling!

Loved this conversation on singleness with Kait and JJ on the Heart of Dating podcast!

The Limits of My World received a starred review from the folks at Kirkus Reviews, who describe it as "provocative and imaginative" and write that "the author’s gradual revelation of the true nature of the 'universe' is masterful"!

“Truth must be a fragile thing if it only survives in one language.” My new novel is available now!

My forthcoming novel is up on Kickstarter, where you can claim published copies (and other rewards) and help me launch it into the world!

Every one of us, seen through heaven’s eyes, deserves to be greeted with the gentle gasp of Margot Robbie’s Barbie: “You’re so beautiful.”

I can't remember the last time I had this much fun nerding out about the complexities of social construction and sexual orientation. (Also, this live podcast doubles as an eavesdropping opportunity from the Revoice 2023 conference!)

"When she talked about sexuality, she was inclined to speak of her current experiences of attraction (or lack thereof). I, on the other hand, was looking for language that spoke to patterns of attraction over time, regardless of how long I’d gone without being attracted to someone." Some musings on the messiness of language!

In which I share an old story in a new context and reflect with the good people of Peninsula Bible Fellowship about how flourishing with Jesus shows up in unexpected places.

Behold, a new (free!) eight-video series called "Journeys of Faith: Stories of Love and Purpose from LGBTQ/SSA Christians." The videos are hosted by yours truly, and they feature stories from eleven other folks I absolutely love. I have a hunch, if you watch, that you will love them too!

Noah Filipiak and I had such fun with the first podcast, we decided to do it again! If you've been thinking to yourself, "My greatest wish is to spend an hour listening to Greg talk through various biblical arguments about same-sex marriage and say a bunch of Greek words," then (1) your wish is granted, and (2) you need to dream up some better wishes!

"Would I be as good of a piano player if I were straight?" I had so much fun waltzing willy-nilly across all kinds of territory in this conversation with Noah Filipiak!

At the Urbana conference, I sat down with Jen Pollock Michel (who wrote the foreword to my second book!) and Sam D. Kim to chat about belonging and Christian community on The Englewood Review of Books Podcast.

"I want to fall asleep with Jesus every night and wake up with him every morning, to have him be my first and last conversation. I want to talk with him until my voice starts to sound like his, to laugh with him until I share his sense of humor."

I've seen a lot of views from airplane windows in my lifetime, and I often find them transfixing. I wrote a recent Advent-adjacent poem for the good people of Fathom Mag about one reason why I'm so drawn to them!

"I want to push back Advent on the calendar, to make myself ready for it. And yet the things that make me feel unready for Advent, unworthy of Advent, are the very reasons I need Advent. The mess I want to clean up in order to make room for Jesus is the same mess Jesus came to dwell within."

A joy to chat with Barney Miles about an honoring vision of singleness, whose voices are worth listening to, and why I love making friends with married couples!

What are some of the creative ways celibate Christians have established family and fostered intimacy together? I discuss my findings from sixteen interviews in Paper #16 at this link.

After years of hearing Dr. Juli Slattery's name from afar, it was a joy to sit down with her and chat up close on the Java with Juli podcast from Authentic Intimacy!

"Sometimes, symbols that are deeply ingrained within our own psyches as meaning one thing actually mean something very different in another person’s mind."

A lovely chat about authorship and life with the good folks of Living Out!

After I criticized a study claiming that Reintegrative Therapy facilitates sexual orientation change, some of the data I cited in my critique were mysteriously altered in the online PDF of the study. I come bearing receipts.

"If we want to go around applying the term 'sinner' to someone in our lives, the most useful person to apply that term to is ourselves. And if we want to go around hating sin, the most useful sin to begin with is the sin we find ourselves most eagerly drawn to."

In which I share my story with the good people of NewStory Church in Los Angeles, along with some reflections on the nature of sexual orientation, the biblical vision for marriage, and the true meaning of family.

"Does Jesus have the right to call us to things that feel counterintuitive and weird and bad, or have we created Jesus in the image of ourselves? Are we just looking for a Jesus who affirms everything that we already wanted to do in our lives?"

"The purportedly longitudinal nature of the Pela and Sutton study applies to only 22 of the 105 participants originally recruited. But those 22 participants definitely became straighter, right?" (Short answer: no.)

"The Pela and Sutton study was published in The Journal of Human Sexuality not because (or, at least, not simply because) it was objectively good scientific work, but also because it matched the organization’s preexisting ideological commitments."

"Where there is messy humanity, God's amazing grace can step in." I have never not enjoyed a conversation with Deb Hirsch, and this one was no exception!

In which I chat with Arthur Mensah about writing, celibacy, and navigating young adulthood.

"Sabbath is hard because it cuts against my human impulse to determine my value according to the things I can produce for God." I so enjoyed chatting with Susan Carson about the spiritual practices that have formed (or deformed) (or reformed) my image of God!

I had the privilege of speaking at this conference alongside so many other fabulous talks about what it means to live as exiles. You can watch a snippet of my comments free, or buy the whole thing to hear the even cooler people!

"It's possible to run from an unhealthy and abusive community that claims the name of Jesus, and to yet remain somebody who finds the person of Jesus compelling and wants to follow him."

In addition to an extensive discussion of sexual identity language, tune in to hear me reveal my true feelings about Canadians.

A blog post in which I lay out two incomplete lists of pros and cons involved in my own coming out. Come for the practical thoughts, stay for the snarky commentary.

I chat with Preston Sprinkle about moving to Boise, finding belonging, and being single on Valentine's Day.

I was delighted to co-write a chapter with Debra Hirsch for this new book about the future of the Church.

Colton’s words are reminiscent of the words of so many other flesh-and-blood LGBTQ people in the 21st century: "I feel like… I was asked to leave part of myself behind to stay close to God."

"Every week or so, I skim through the emails that have accrued in my Gmail spam folder, just in case some legitimate email wound up in there by accident. And when I perform this ritual, I’m almost invariably reminded that heterosexuality is not a biblical ideal."

The audio from my talk at Revoice 2021 is now available on the Theology in the Raw podcast!

Every once in a while, it's a great idea to judge a book by its cover. What a delight to see No Longer Strangers win a 2021 Top Shelf Book Cover Award!

"If you’re not ready to start a conversation about faith and sexuality in a way that honors LGBTQ people, I’m starting to think you have only two choices: do it before you feel ready, or never do it at all."

"I long for us to stop perpetuating a world in which a gay teenager might ever say, as I recall once having said to myself, 'If only I’d gone out and had a ton of sex before I met Jesus, so that I could have a testimony worth telling.'"

"Tim Keller seems to be okay using sexual identity language about himself and recognizing that same-sex orientation and opposite-sex orientation are both equal in their relationship to sinfulness and their capacity for holiness. I wish that more Christians of Keller’s ilk believed the truth of Keller’s words in this video—including Keller himself."

I'm delighted to see my thoughts on scandalous housing arrangements make their way across the pond to the folks at Living Out, and to have an editor anglicize my spelling! (Does this mean I'm one step closer to becoming C.S. Lewis?)

"When we claim that our Christian obedience calls us to avoid the mere appearance of evil, we hold ourselves to a higher standard of holiness than the only perfectly holy human being who ever lived."

In which I share a few thoughts with the LOVEboldly crew about how I find delight in celibacy!

"I am an unmarried man. I live with an unmarried woman. It’s just the two of us in the house, alone and unchaperoned. Yet somehow—though this may shock you to hear—we aren’t having any sex."

"That sense of homelessness, that sense of longing for something better, is a reminder that I'm designed for perfect intimacy with Jesus... that's where I'm headed one day."

A delightful conversation with (some of) the Life on Side B folks about grief, Twitter habits, and my car's six-CD player. (If you watch on YouTube, those with a keen eye can spot my new Boise office in the background!)

I talk with Kait Warman about sexuality, terminology, the reasons I was bad at dating, and (against all odds) my dating advice for others!

A glorious potpourri of a podcast with my Middle-East-dwelling friend Max Thomas, in which we discuss Harry Potter, Christian nationalism, the culture wars, and Matthean depictions of the eschaton.

I was honored to share a few thoughts on culture and code-switching in this spotlight interview! My favorite snippet: "The Indonesian part of my cultural identity helps me embrace the value of thinking communally... as a way of honoring those around me."

When did the word "queer" go from being an insult to a preferred identity term? In this short video, I give a crash course in how this word was reclaimed by (some) LGBTQ people.

A delightful conversation about writing, C.S. Lewis, church-hunting tactics, and more with Mike Delgado!

Though (ironically) I make one or two linguistically sloppy statements along the way, I nevertheless had a lovely time joining this series with Jason Daye to talk about LGBTQ experiences and the importance of language.

In which Megan Norton and I talk Poohsticks, third culture identity, and my transition from the privileged white minority in Indonesia to the privileged white majority in the United States.

The good folks who put together the Christian Sexuality video curriculum for youth compiled all my comments into one video. Check it out for incontrovertible evidence of how much I talk with my hands.

"It matters so little what I can do, or what I can recognize, or what I can wrap my head around, or what I can cling to—because all the most important clinging is the clinging that Jesus is doing, clinging to me."

"It’s remarkable how different the world becomes when you’re already understood (or misunderstood) before you speak a single word."

I had the joy of narrating my own audiobook for No Longer Strangers! You'll get to hear me speak bits of Greek, Latin, French, German, Spanish, and (of course) Indonesian, but I'm pleased to report that the majority is still in English.

Every follower of Jesus is called to leave a legacy, to partake in the family of God, to participate in the lives of those younger than us, regardless of whether we ever become parents in a biological or legal sense.

In which I chat with the delightful Kelsi and Karli Nelson about eating haggis, feeling out of place, and seeing the image of God in one another.

In which I chat with radio host Brian From about how the posturing of social media inhibits our human quest for belonging.

The gospel of uniformity isn’t actually good news. Or rather, it’s only good news for the people who already fit the bill, the people who can be fully honest while also remaining in the majority by every meaningful measure.

The good gentlemen of Your Other Brothers speculate about my Enneagram number and reflect on their favorite moments from No Longer Strangers.

My new book has hit shelves! I daresay it's worth a read, though I am admittedly biased.

Alongside Revoice's inimitable Bekah Mason, I propose that belonging is all about the gifts we discover as we practice the fine art of losing everything.

How am I supposed to go church-hunting as an openly gay person living by a historic biblical sexual ethic?

Though I've mostly sworn off giving parenting advice, I make a rare exception in this conversation with Jason and Thomas of Project Six19.

Lane and I dig into the weeds of sexuality, terminology, and finding common ground amid nuanced differences.

In which I talk with my childhood friend Lane Burkholder about what celibacy is and isn't, and why this is remarkably good news.

I talk with my fellow third culture kid Elizabeth Norvell about Indonesia, sexuality, and following Jesus.

In which I share with the LOVEboldly folks about how to avoid unnecessary offense when discussing sexual ethics.

We’re not meant to “save ourselves” for the moment we finally belong to someone, so that our bodies can finally matter. Our bodies already matter; we already belong to someone.

Anthony Esser and I join Josh Proctor to talk about how our prayer lives have been challenged (and enriched) by our experiences of sexuality.

I'm honored to be part of this video series on Christian sexuality alongside dear friends like Preston Sprinkle, Laurie Krieg, John Wilson, and Kat LaPrairie (as well as my high school hero Francis Chan).

In which I chat with the third culture kid (TCK) expert at Interaction International about sexuality, gender identity, and growing up overseas as a person of faith.

I was delighted to contribute an essay called "Scenes of Political Blasphemy" to this collection on Christian faith and American politics.

Preston Sprinkle and I continue our discussion in his basement, addressing heavy-hitting topics like the relationship between the phrases "gay Christian" and "toe cheese."

In which Preston Sprinkle and I chat in his basement about why I wrote Single, Gay, Christian and how I came out to my parents via phone call.

In which I sit down (via podcast) with Tres Adames of "Ask a Christian Counselor" to discuss the challenges Christian sexual minorities face in making sense of their sexual identity and faith identity.

In which I share my heart with the good people of Grace Place in Berthoud, Colorado: "There are no second class citizens in the Kingdom of Heaven."

"Regardless of your experience of sexuality, regardless of how your sexual attraction is working, all of us are invited into the wild journey of following Jesus, and there's nobody who's disqualified." Hear me talk with Mike Thomas of the "Why We Stayed" podcast about why I'm still a Christian!

In which I weigh in on recent debates about biblical anthropology, writing for the World Evangelical Alliance in their journal Evangelical Review of Theology: "For Paul, it seems, obedience to Jesus must at times be negotiated precisely through the lens of a believer's various other identities, in order to reckon well with how those identities ought rightly to inform and be informed by the believer's overarching identity in Christ."

I had the pleasure of sharing my song "Cages" with Element Church in Cheyenne, WY. Some lyrics:

"How many lies you’ve believed / Trying to buy what was given freely / Empty-handed, all securities gone / If you follow, love will lead you home"

A seven-part blog series dialogue between me and Cru's Rachel Gilson about sexual identity and terminology. An excerpt from our final co-written post: "In the end, our hope is that this debate will become less important. Certainly, neither of us denies that language matters; but we are also convinced that other things matter far more. As Paul cautioned Timothy against 'quarreling about words' (2 Tim. 2:14), so we caution our brothers and sisters against elevating a terminological dispute above Jesus’ command for his followers to be unified."

"If you’re worried as you wrestle with your faith and sexuality that you might get some things wrong, that you might not be good enough for God to love you, then I have great news. You will get some things wrong. You won’t be good enough. And God will keep loving you."

"Normally, I’m reluctant to give specific examples of Christians idolizing marriage... But every once in a while, an example comes along that is so blatantly awful that I’m quite pleased to make fun of it. This is one of those examples."

Since people are practically lining up to get more marriage advice from the gay celibate crowd: "Loving your spouse is not, in itself, a sufficient gospel calling. In fact, marriages that turn inward and make marital happiness their primary concern, though they may advertise under the banner of Christian selflessness, are fundamentally selfish institutions."

In which I point out the stark difference between the Ideal American Christmas Narrative and the Original Hebraic Christmas Narrative, and reveal how many times Mariah Carey has wanted me for Christmas.

"We human beings are rarely argued into submission about the things that matter most. People tend to determine on an instinctive and emotional level what they are going to believe about morality."

"Perhaps it’s easier to say with confidence what God thinks about gay people once we’ve expanded the question a bit: What does God think about people who are products of the Fall, people whose sexuality is rendered imperfect by our Adamic genetics? In short, what does God think about humanity?"

In which I chat with some delightful Canadian brothers about faith, sexuality, and conversation across theological and experiential difference. They did tease me for using the word "monologic," but I have no regrets. An excerpt: "Regardless of how much arrogance we have in our view, regardless of how absolutely 100% sure we are that the other person is just a doofus with no legitimate insight at all... we can at least do people the honor of speaking to them in a way that fosters two-way communication, not just in a way that's monologic and ultimately unproductive."

In this podcast with the brilliant Julian Charles of The Mind Renewed, I reflect on why my feelings about the phrase "gay Christian" are similar to my feelings about the phrase "American Christian": "I think there are Christians who take their national identity and use that national identity as a way of flavoring what their faith is and means... There's a point at which the way we conceive of national identity becomes an impediment to the truth of the gospel. But I don't think that acknowledging our national identity is inherently getting in the way of our identity in Christ."

"This paper considers the common reasons given by Christian conservatives for rejecting the idea of pronoun hospitality, then challenges two assumptions about the nature of language that such arguments make and lays out an affirmative case for pronoun hospitality."

The Evangelical Covenant Church (ECC) denomination is assembling a suite of human sexuality discipleship resources called Embrace. I was honored to participate in a webinar as part of that series. In addition to hearing my "10 Provocations" for churches, you can also hear me accidentally broadcast myself singing under my breath during some brief technical difficulties.

In which I talk with Doug Leslie of the Association of Christian Nonprofits about being charitable to people who disagree with us on Christian sexual ethics: "There needs to be a way that we can be people of deep conviction on the one hand, and on the other hand recognize that our job is not to determine whether or not others are allowed to disagree with us. Our job is to ask, in the midst of disagreement, what does it mean to embody Jesus to these people I disagree with?"

Excerpt: "A church can’t be mess-free and still function as the body of Christ. After all, if a group of messy people gets together to do church, to be the church, without ever acknowledging our messes, the only possible explanation is that we’re meeting with masks on. We hide away our struggles like Pharisees, trying to pretend we’re good enough for God instead of celebrating God’s undeserved grace to us."

I was thrilled to chat with the illustrious Anita Lustrea on her podcast Faith Conversations. Hear my tentative thoughts on eschatology, and a bunch of other stuff.

A wonderful conversation with novelist Brian Joyner on his podcast Be the Bridge: Connecting the LGBTQIA+ Community and People of Faith.

Excerpt: "I wish that people who shared pews with me in church talked about gay people the way they talked about diplomats and florists and concierges, as if we were just people. I wish they didn’t see us as the enemy camp of a protracted culture war. I wish we spent more time talking about the gospel and less time talking about what the gospel would mean for certain people’s sex lives."

Excerpt: "There is a form of sexual holiness that comes easy to me in ways it doesn’t come easy for my straight brothers in Christ. And by the same token, their journeys toward holiness will be easy in ways mine may never be. Being gay doesn’t make me uniquely broken, as if I’m some slip of the divine chisel. It makes me just plain broken, like everybody else. I’m exactly unremarkable enough to be a recipient of grace."

I love Andy Mineo's heart for God and people. Also, the man has some serious musical skills. I'm honored (and maybe still a little bit starstruck) by his endorsement of my book in this video.

I was delighted to be part of a short documentary project about sexual minorities in churches with a traditional sexual ethic. If you watch it, you'll get to see what I look like without glasses. (Answer: still pretty nerdy.)

Excerpt: "As I continue to grow in Christ, I want to become weird in even more ways. More remarkably loving. More bizarrely joyful. More extravagantly generous. Short of growing tentacles, I want to become as alien as I can possibly be on this foreign planet Earth."

Excerpt: "If I had my way, I would think about gay celibacy the same way I think about my career options, or what I should have for dinner, or whether I want a pet ferret. I would think about it the way I imagine that straight people think about being straight, as if it’s simply part of life. It wouldn’t need to be a stentorian shout or an embarrassed whisper in the chambers of my mind. It would just be."

Check out the book trailer for Single, Gay, Christian on YouTube. Alternative description: I sit in someone else's living room and say things about Jesus, while also providing video evidence that I have attractive friends.

"When I allow myself to be known—when I tell the most baffling parts of my story to trusted friends and encounter their unconditional love in return—I begin to understand the love of God. A love that knows me fully. A love that, when I feel too weak to hold onto it, is strong enough to hold me instead."

Excerpt: "If we’re not careful, we can wind up communicating a 'gospel' that’s different from the gospel of the Bible. We can speak the name of Jesus in a way that drives people away from Him instead of towards Him."

In which I talk about costly obedience, how we read the Bible, and the word "evangelical" with Michelle Schingler of Foreword Reviews.

I had the chance to chat with New York Times bestselling author Preston Sprinkle about faith, sexuality, and the importance of language. Check out our conversation on Preston's podcast, Theology in the Raw.

Excerpt: "Don’t let me rush to Easter Sunday too quickly. Give me grace to linger here, in the place where sorrow meets redemption. Make Your death as real to me as Your resurrection."

Excerpt: "Give me eyes to see the red and pink, the flowers and chocolates, the blossoming romances, as tiny windows into Your limitless love. Let me see You in the construction paper hearts awkwardly delivered on the playground, in the crayon scrawl of 'Be My Valentine.' In our imperfect love, let me glimpse Your perfect love."

Excerpt: "God wants more than just the top line of your priority list. He wants the whole list. He doesn’t want to be sequestered to a single part of your life. He wants to be the substance of every part, the logic behind every choice you make."

Excerpt: "I pray to you not as someone distant and aloof, but as someone near to me, near to us, even in the midst of chaos. I don’t have to shout to get your attention. You are close enough to hear my broken whispers. No matter how strong or weak I feel, no matter how much or how little faith I can muster, I’ll start by whispering this: Give us peace."